Dear Sophia,

I'm in a new position requiring a lot of project management in many directions.  I am getting swamped with sticky notes and papers accumulating and advanced planning and 'this is a great idea that I said yes to or suggested but now how do I make sure it doesn't fall through the cracks?'  I am embarrassed that I'm in my 50s (gulp!) and still struggle with these personal issues of organization.

Sincerely, 

Definitely Feeling Like an Imposter

Dear Definitely Feeling Like an Imposter,

I am thrilled you’ve asked this question, because organization is my jam and I love to help others get on top of it. But first things first: you’re not an imposter. Like so many people the world over, you’re juggling a lot of things all at once and you’re trying to keep a “can-do” attitude because that’s what is expected of you. That makes you human, but the fact that you can admit you need help makes you superhuman! So, pat yourself on the back and let’s jump in.

I don’t care whether you’re twenty-two or sixty-five, writing things down is an age-old art that is always a good answer to any organization challenge. List-making is the most simple and effective foundation for getting organized and it’s going to be your best friend. There’s a reason that every project management tool out there has some sort of list-making function. Whether you do it on a piece of birch-bark or on your phone, start with a list. This serves two important purposes:

1. It forces you to slow down and organize your thoughts. It may sound like a stretch, but make the time to do this by grabbing a coffee and stepping away. You want to allow yourself the time to have things come to you that you may have forgotten or overlooked. Force yourself to sit down, undisturbed, and start your list. This may mean you need to gather up all those Post-it notes and scraps of paper and random digital notes and transfer them into this one list. Do it!
2. It gets everything in one place. I’ll say that again: It gets everything in one place. The problem with scraps of paper and sticky notes on your desktop is that they scatter your list and when the list gets scattered, things get dropped. What if that Post-it note task didn’t make it onto the agenda in your email because it was sitting under your lunch—oh no! Keep ONE master list and build it out from there.

The list-making tool you use you depends on your personality. Perhaps everything you do is digital and you’re glued to your screen 24/7. If that’s the case, make your list either in something as simple as an Excel spreadsheet or something more layered like a project management tool or digital notebook. If you tend to like an actual paper notebook that can sit on your desk and travel with you, then find a good solid hardcover notebook that will become your best friend—maybe it’s just blank pages or maybe it’s a calendar too. You do you! And don’t judge yourself. There’s not one right tool to stay organized. If you try to force yourself into a system that doesn’t work for you, you won’t use it and then you’ll feel guilty for one more thing you didn’t get done today.  

Once you’ve made a list of everything that needs doing for a certain project (perhaps you’ve broken it into categories, added deadlines, and noted others who have a hand in this), then make sure you keep that list active and available at all times. This is key because every time someone mentions something else that needs doing, or you suddenly remember an item you left off the list, or a deadline changes, you need to adjust that list. If you don’t have it readily accessible, you’ll revert to a Post-it which may not make it out of the bottom of your bag.

And here’s the most important advice I can give you: Review that list often, and AT LEAST once per day. I used to sit down with my coffee and go over my list each morning before I did anything else. And, when I was really on my game, I’d review it again before I went home each day so that I could cross things off. If you’re not reviewing the list, adding to it, taking away from it, and generally letting it serve as the guard-rails for your day, it’s not serving its purpose.

There are lots of tools and resources out there, but this is the best starting place I know, and it has never let me down. I hope it works for you too. And remember, slowing down and taking the time to declutter your desk, stopping to look out the window, or doing a short loop around the block all help to clear out the cobwebs in your head. And that makes room for all those great new ideas to be added to your list!

Confidentially Yours,

Sophia

P.S. Now that I’ve shared my thoughts, I’m curious what the amazing community of educators reading this post has to say. Chime in, folks! What thoughts do you have for Feeling the Years? Share your thoughts on the Global Leadership League’s LinkedIn page. Have a question for Sophia yourself, ask here!

Please note: This response is provided for informational purposes only. The information contained herein is not legal advice and should not be used as a substitute for the legal advice or legal opinions of a licensed professional. Contact a personal attorney or licensed professional to obtain appropriate legal advice or professional counseling with respect to any particular issue or problem.

Dear Sophia,

I work with a younger colleague who is at the same level as I am and around 18 years my junior. I've worked at multiple colleges over the years, with over a decade in international education. This colleague has only worked at this institution (going on 5 years) which is also where they attended undergrad. I began around 3 years ago. This person is very well known on campus and seen as the 'go-to' person for international queries. This person consistently puts down my ideas/suggestions, and makes me feel like my contributions are worthless. They do not want to let go of any work tasks, leaving me with very little to do and feeling belittled along the way. The boss of the group sees the challenges, and has tried to mitigate (including having conversations with the colleague) to no avail. This person continues to do work that is technically mine, oversteps their boundaries, and creates a very challenging work environment. They have also, on occasion, dismissed suggestions I have had for improving and streamlining processes, only to take the idea and present it as their own later on. Being a very non-confrontational person, I've just kept my head down and tried to do my job but do not feel like I can continue like this much longer with such an aggressive and demeaning atmosphere. 

Sincerely, 

Feeling the Years

Dear Feeling the Years,

I’m sorry to hear you’re dealing with this. Why can’t everyone learn to be a professional?! It seems your colleague could use some advice of their own! You’ve reached the end of your rope, so let’s make a plan to move forward.

While your colleague’s behavior is completely unacceptable, it may help you to first consider some possible reasons for it. Perhaps your colleague believes they are “taking charge” and doing more work and that will help them get ahead in their career. They have clearly missed that their behavior is rude, aggressive, and downright shady, but something in their past could have led them to believe it is necessary to succeed. Perhaps they also believe that you possess less knowledge or expertise since you’ve been in the role for less time (overlooking your years at other institutions). This person could also have deep-rooted control issues or fear of failure which makes it hard for them to let you do your job when they perceive that their way is the only way it should be done. If you consider these underlying issues, it may help you break through if you ask the right questions, or at least accept that their actions are not personal to you.

If you’re up for it, one way to shut down this aggression would be to muster the courage to speak to your colleague. Try attempting a diplomatic approach so it feels less confrontational. Each time they do your work, for example, you can calmly ask, “May I ask why you are doing my work? This is my task and I know you have many other things to do in your role. I have this covered.” Take some time to document each instance and feel free to bring up that it has happened before. While you may want to push back in anger and frustration, phrasing it as a question may force them to consider their actions before responding to you, and you may learn something. Also document your communications so you know when you presented an idea. If your colleague tries to steal an idea, be sure to tell your boss and other colleagues that it was actually your idea and that you first came up with it on X date. Once they see that you will stand up for yourself, they may let up on their behavior. You may get others on your side, as well.

If the diplomatic approach doesn’t work, you have a few options: 

1. Push back harder. If it’s your last attempt, you may find it liberating to speak up. If it doesn’t help, you probably don’t have much to lose.

2. Lodge a formal complaint with management to see if they could facilitate a change or even fire your colleague (it’s rare, but it DOES happen—if management has seen problematic patterns and turnover is high as a result, they may decide it’s time to let this person go)

3. Look for another job and get out! If you do decide to quit, be direct about the reasons if you have an exit interview. Again, if management sees troubling patterns, they may take action with your colleague.

Some considerations: How much do you like your job and other colleagues? Do you see a future in this office and hope to stay? How easy is it to find a similar job in your area? If you have other job options, are not too attached, or if you’ve simply had enough and don’t want confrontation, don’t feel bad about giving up. This bad behavior is not your fault, and it shouldn’t be your responsibility to fix it. Life’s too short to surround yourself with toxic people, especially at work! 

Good luck with whatever you decide! Here’s hoping this person will knock it off. If not, you can look forward to leaving for a future office environment with kinder and more collaborative colleagues. 

Confidentially Yours,

Sophia

P.S. Now that I’ve shared my thoughts, I’m curious what the amazing community of educators reading this post has to say. Chime in, folks! What thoughts do you have for Feeling the Years? Share your thoughts on the Global Leadership League’s LinkedIn page. Have a question for Sophia yourself, ask here!

Please note: This response is provided for informational purposes only. The information contained herein is not legal advice and should not be used as a substitute for the legal advice or legal opinions of a licensed professional. Contact a personal attorney or licensed professional to obtain appropriate legal advice or professional counseling with respect to any particular issue or problem.

Dear Sophia,

We recently had an opening in my department for a director position. Had I applied for the job, the position would have been a big promotion for me. I didn't feel quite ready to apply for the job, though, and so I didn't (and I'm fine with that). However, one of my colleagues asked if I had applied for the job in front of a large group of people and it made me very uncomfortable. Is that information no longer considered private? I didn't feel the need for everyone to know if I was or wasn't applying for the job, and I hadn't discussed it with anyone in my department prior to this encounter. How do you respond to questions like this in a group setting when you are put on the spot?

Sincerely, 

Deer in Headlights

Dear Deer in Headlights,

‘Tis a fine line that we walk between personal and professional boundaries. Though some may argue that this is a professional question being asked in a professional setting, based on the fact that you’re even asking, I’m betting you’d beg to differ. Also, quite frankly, I’d say it's common courtesy to not ask questions like these in a public forum. But, it happened and may happen again, so what can you do in the future?

First, if you’ve been in this office long enough to consider applying for a promotion and a colleague felt comfortable enough to ask you this question, I’m figuring you have a pretty good sense of the different personalities in the room and how to work with them. This is great because this will help you prepare and be proactive as other complicated or potentially uncomfortable situations come up. If you know something is abuzz in the office, then prepare for that inevitable individual who doesn’t have boundaries and come up with a plan. It’s like being single in your 30s and going to a family event where you know everyone in the room is going to ask you if you’ve found someone. “When are you getting married? What happened to that one person you were talking to? Have you met so and so? I think you’d make a great pair!” Very frustrating. So what’s the game plan? Here are a few plays to keep in your back pocket:

• Be honest. Tell the person that you aren’t comfortable having this discussion and leave it at that. This may lead to some awkwardness initially but a) it’s the truth and b) it sets the boundary for future interactions and will hopefully reinforce for everyone in the room that there are certain things that you just aren’t comfortable discussing.

• Say you don’t know or give a brief non-answer and then refocus everyone on the subject at hand or another subject, whatever works best. 

• Deflect/change the subject: “Speaking of directors, you just reminded me….” 

• Have someone in the wings ready to save you. Someone who can call out the inappropriateness, change the subject, or deflect on your behalf. This, of course, implies that you have confided in someone in the workplace and that you are anticipating questions you don’t want to answer and may not be the most practical solution, but one that could be used if necessary.

The difficulty with situations like these is that it's hard to prepare for something you don’t know is coming. And most of us freeze when we’re caught off guard and don’t know how to react, hence the apt analogy of the deer in headlights. And that’s ok. It’s ok to take a minute to compose yourself and your thoughts and answer in a way that is comfortable for you. I think we’re so focused on needing to immediately respond that we forget that we don’t actually have to. In fact, if you give it a few seconds, someone else will usually chime in because people can’t handle the silence. But if that doesn’t work, you at least have a few options above that you can try.

Confidentially Yours,

Sophia

P.S. Now that I’ve shared my thoughts, I’m curious what the amazing community of educators reading this post has to say. Chime in, folks! What thoughts do you have for Deer in Headlights? Share your thoughts on the Global Leadership League’s LinkedIn page. Have a question for Sophia yourself, ask here!

Please note: This response is provided for informational purposes only. The information contained herein is not legal advice and should not be used as a substitute for the legal advice or legal opinions of a licensed professional. Contact a personal attorney or licensed professional to obtain appropriate legal advice or professional counseling with respect to any particular issue or problem.

Dear Sophia,

I’ve officially decided that I need a new job. I’ve been in my position for over a decade now and need a change. I know I want to stay in my field but don’t know where to even begin to start the search. Help!

Sincerely, 

Job Hunter 101

Dear Job Hunter 101,

Making the decision to leave a position after a decade can be anxiety-provoking unto itself, let alone remembering/learning how to navigate the job market. But it sounds like you’re ready, and I’m here to help! 

First, it’s important to understand what you want out of your next position and what made you leave your current position. Was it the role itself? Was it a lack of growth? Was it the office environment? Are you looking to move up or make a lateral shift? What kind of role are you looking for? Are you willing to move? Make an inventory of what you are looking for (e.g. titles of positions, salary levels, remote or in-person positions, etc.) and what your non-negotiables are. This will help you as you begin to navigate the job market.

Once you have an idea of what it is you’re looking for, then, as much as we all hate to do it, you will need  to start updating that resume. Because we’ve established that you’re staying within the field, this shouldn’t be too difficult as it will most likely be just adding your latest position onto an existing resume. Now, if you’ve been off the market for over a decade, then you may want to consider looking at some resume examples or speaking to someone who is able to give you some advice on latest trends (e.g. addresses and objectives haven’t been a thing for a while, how do applicant tracking systems work?). One thing to always remember about resume writing is that EVERY single person you talk to will have something different to say but there are basic rules that resumes follow. As long as you have the basics down, and you understand what your industry expects, then you should be good. 

Along with your resume, LinkedIn is another big place to make changes. If you don’t already have a presence on LinkedIn, I HIGHLY recommend you change that. Build a strong profile, begin to post regularly, build your network by first adding the folks that you already know and then grow your network as you begin to meet more people. Similar to resumes, LinkedIn has a world of options for putting yourself strategically out there as a job seeker. There’s even an option to highlight your profile by adding a frame that indicates you’re looking for a job. This is a bit trickier to use as it depends on whether your current employer knows you’re looking or not, but an option nonetheless. Recruiters are actively looking on LinkedIn for potential talent so you want to make sure your profile header, the key words that you use to describe yourself, your about me, etc. align with what you’re looking for. There are lots of webinars and tips out there on how to use LinkedIn–take advantage of these tools.

Ok, so you’ve begun to build your resume and your LinkedIn, what now? How do you actually begin to look for a job? I know it's a cliche, but networking is key. A majority of jobs are found via your network rather than random online searches. Tell people what kind of job you're looking for. Join organizations in your field. Go to industry-specific events. Ask your network to connect you with other people they know in the field at other organizations. If you have a specific organization you want to work for, reach out to folks there and do informational interviews. Now, don’t go into these interviews asking for a job! Go in with the intent of learning about the person you’re talking to, their role, how they got there. The goal is to connect and plant the seed that way in the future you may come to mind if an opportunity arises or perhaps they know other folks that will be good for you to connect with. Connect. Connect. Connect. 

Beyond networking, yes, you should of course follow the more traditional path of creating alerts on LinkedIn, Google, and other platforms, to alert you to job openings. For these you’re going to want to know the variety of ways in which a role may be described. For example, a student advising role could be referred to as a student services advisor, a program coordinator, a program manager, etc. All of these may be the same exact job, but they may have different classifications and titles depending on the industry, organization, etc. Typing “advisor” into the job search engine is going to either limit your results or give you so many results that you won't know what to do. There’s a balancing game that you’ll need to play that may take some time and research.

Of course this is just the tip of the iceberg. I can go into lengths about each of these subjects, but I won’t as there are tons of tools out there on each of these subjects. The League specifically offers the Career Connections program which helps folks like you connect with other experienced members to talk through these exact pieces. Check out the program here. Hope this at least gives you a starting point.

Confidentially Yours,

Sophia

P.S. Now that I’ve shared my thoughts, I’m curious what the amazing community of educators reading this post has to say. Chime in, folks! What thoughts do you have? Share your thoughts on the Global Leadership League’s LinkedIn page. Have a question for Sophia yourself, ask here!

Please note: This response is provided for informational purposes only. The information contained herein is not legal advice and should not be used as a substitute for the legal advice or legal opinions of a licensed professional. Contact a personal attorney or licensed professional to obtain appropriate legal advice or professional counseling with respect to any particular issue or problem.

Dear Sophia,

I have been struggling with my job for the last few years. I am generally overworked, exhausted, anxious, and frustrated due to poor leadership, high turnover, difficulty hiring, and systemic issues at my organization. I don’t enjoy my work like I used to, and the continuing pandemic also makes my job more difficult at every turn. Some days it’s hard for me to muster the energy and motivation to work, and I feel sick of it all. Other days, I feel fine and hopeful that things will improve. I feel like my identity is tied to this job. Most of all, I adore my colleagues and have built very strong rapport with them over the years. With all the turnover in our office, I would feel guilty quitting and making things worse for them. I think it’s time for me to leave, but I feel stuck. How can I finally make the leap?

Sincerely,

Need a Push

Dear Need a Push,

I suspect many readers can relate to this— thank you for submitting your question! The workplace, and without a doubt  the field of international education, has changed a lot in the last couple of years and everyone is feeling the pinch. While travel aspects are opening back up and some parts of our work are improving, many challenges remain, and plenty of new challenges are emerging. I commend you for hanging on this long! While it’s always true that things could improve and there are trade-offs to leaving a position you’ve settled into, it sounds like you know it’s time for you to move on. Let’s see if I can help get you unstuck!

The decision to leave a position can be complex and deeply emotional, especially if you share a strong bond with your colleagues. You may be worried that your next colleagues won’t be as great, or worried about cutting off part of your social network. The guilt you mentioned can be difficult to grapple with, knowing your departure might increase the workload for your colleagues who stay. Additionally, educators can be relationships-focused people and international educators can center their identity on or live their personal values through their professional work in the field. Consider the following to get more clarity and confidence in your decision:

Take a mindful approach to better understand your emotions. While you’re at work, zoom out and take a look at your feelings and frustrations without being wrapped up in them. Take a deep breath and allow yourself to identify your specific feelings. For example, you can think to yourself, “I am experiencing anger.” In the immediate, this will help you get some distance from negative emotions, but your next step is to note how long you’ve been feeling this way, and how disruptive your feelings are to your life. Is it some passing stress during a busy event, or is it a recurring and toxic emotion that you haven’t been able to reduce despite trying over a long period of time? Do you have these feelings even when you’re NOT at work? Once you take stock of the emotional toll of your job, you may recognize the true cost of staying. If the emotional cost to you is higher than the cost of your team having a temporarily higher workload, consider why you’re putting your colleagues ahead of your own well-being. It is hard for so many of us, but important to know that it’s OK to put yourself first! Plus, don’t underestimate your team! They will be fine without you, and may even have more space to shine when you’re not there to help.

You also mentioned your identity is tied up in your job. Take some time to outline your transferable skills, interests, and knowledge outside of your job. List some of the aspects of your work that energize you and then evaluate whether there are other civic or community opportunities that would allow you to continue to take part in this work outside of a professional role. Once you recognize your assets outside of your current role and identify other ways to fulfill your personal values, you will be better positioned to unwind your identity from your job.

There are always good reasons to stay, but there are also many wonderful opportunities out there for you that you won’t be able to experience if you’re stuck in your current position forever. Do some exploring and have conversations with folks who’ve made a professional pivot. Once you’ve found a few options for new employment, your focus can shift from fear of the unknown to excitement! When you’re excited about new possibilities, even without another job lined up, you will begin to see your way out. 

Confidentially Yours,

Sophia

P.S. Now that I’ve shared my thoughts, I’m curious what the amazing community of educators reading this post has to say. Chime in, folks! What thoughts do you have? Share your thoughts on the Global Leadership League’s LinkedIn page. Have a question for Sophia yourself, ask here!

Please note: This response is provided for informational purposes only. The information contained herein is not legal advice and should not be used as a substitute for the legal advice or legal opinions of a licensed professional. Contact a personal attorney or licensed professional to obtain appropriate legal advice or professional counseling with respect to any particular issue or problem.

Dear Sophia,

I work for an organization in which you only get promoted if you are buddies with the Dean or if the Dean knows you won't challenge him in any way. Everyone that has been promoted to a leadership position has the Dean's ear and does whatever the Dean wants. I've been in my role for many years now and know I can do a lot of great work if I had the opportunity to move up, but I don't see that happening as I don't get much facetime with the Dean. And also, I shouldn't have to! My work should speak for itself but I also recognize that people that are quite frankly incompetent have gotten higher positions in this organization just because they are BFF's with the Dean. A part of me thinks I should just leave but hate having to do that because of one man. Help!

(NOT) The Dean’s BFF

Dear (NOT) The Dean’s BFF,

This kind of “leadership” is super frustrating isn’t it?! Unfortunately, too many people in every type of organization have moved their way up the ranks despite possessing poor leadership qualities or even worse, a warped psychological make-up. Leaders who lack self awareness, are afraid of constructive dialogue or of being vulnerable, use their power to stack their team with “yes” people to protect their own ego and position of power. While employees who aren’t in the inner circle feel the most impact with limited opportunities for advancement, everyone in the organization experiences some ill effects of a workplace led by a toxic leader. Yes, it’s unfair and hopefully your current reality is one you’ll face only rarely. Working for an individual or organization who doesn’t see your worth will have a negative impact on your professional sense of self over time. Therefore, the status quo doesn’t seem like a viable option.

In a situation like yours, I see two primary options. You can prioritize making time to evaluate your skills, list the contributions you’ve made, and identify your professional goals as preparation to network outside of your unit while actively seeking a promotion or lateral change within your existing organization. Identify and take advantage of opportunities that afford you ways to build new relationships outside of your current role and help you learn new skills. Maybe that means volunteering, enrolling in a human resources training program, serving on an employee council, participating in an employee resource group (ERG), or seeking out a partnership or collaboration with a team that serves your current unit and your own goals. In any of these experiences, be ready to tell your story clearly to others. Prepare a pitch that expresses what you like about the organization, what you’ve contributed, and what you are seeking in the future. Be sure to consider every new engagement as an opportunity to learn about the organization and meet new people. In these interactions, focus on showing curiosity by asking questions, using active listening to convey your interest, and taking advantage of opportunities to talk about work you’ve done within your unit to convey capacity and deepen relationships. Most importantly, seek out sponsors who are likely to identify your value on their team and to the greater organization. Avoid  speaking ill of the Dean or trying to influence those who are oblivious or turning a blind eye to the poor leadership in your unit. It’s time to focus on you and your future. How you behave will influence how other leaders perceive you. Anticipate that this likely means changing your role considerably or moving outside of international education unless you work in a very large organization with a decentralized structure. 

The other option is to decide to reframe the way you’re thinking about the Dean and manage up in ways that play into how this person leads in order to move into their inner circle. Managing up with a person like this takes a serious amount of will, a massive desire to stay put knowing the road is long and likely full of obstacles, and possible investment in a career counselor, coach or mentor who can support you through the effort you're going to put in. 

Regardless of which path you choose, identify a reasonable timeframe, consider benchmarks to measure your progress, and keep good records that allow you to reflect on the work you’ve done and consider what you’ve gained. Change isn’t generally easy but it’s often worth it in the long run. 

Confidentially Yours,

Sophia

P.S. Now that I’ve shared my thoughts, I’m curious what the amazing community of educators reading this post has to say. Chime in, folks! What thoughts do you have? Share your thoughts on the Global Leadership League’s LinkedIn page. Have a question for Sophia yourself, ask here!

Please note: This response is provided for informational purposes only. The information contained herein is not legal advice and should not be used as a substitute for the legal advice or legal opinions of a licensed professional. Contact a personal attorney or licensed professional to obtain appropriate legal advice or professional counseling with respect to any particular issue or problem.

Dear Sophia,

As a woman who regularly travels for work, has external partner meetings, and goes to conferences (they're coming back!), I continue to face the issue of what is and is not appropriate professional women's attire. I've had numerous people, ironically, mostly women, tell me I should not wear form-fitting clothing or that too much of my shoulder is showing (i.e. the straps to my top or not covering enough), or even when I am fully covered, my outfit isn't professional basically because I have large breasts. I'm getting quite sick of it but also know that education is much more conservative than many other fields. What do you think? Should I just suck it up and "cover up" even though I think it's completely ridiculous?

Sincerely,

My Clothes, (Should be) My Choice!

Dear My Clothes, (Should be) My Choice!,

After two years of working from the couch at home, it is a new world getting back into professional attire and heading out the door. You’re not alone in wondering how the landscape has or has not changed in terms of appropriate workplace attire. And it has changed. While we perhaps can’t get away with pajama bottoms and t-shirts at conferences, there is a visibly shifting bar that is leaning towards a much more casual approach to the office setting. That said, there is still an expectation that workers will be savvy enough to know what is appropriate and what is not, recognizing that we are all ultimately representing the company for which we work. However, the quandary you share here seems to be one in which your personal style is being questioned as it relates to your work in the field. I would urge you to consider two things:

1. Your motives. If your choice of clothing is based on your comfort, what you deem to be becoming, and what you feel is appropriate for the work you are doing, then you should feel fine about the choices you're making. If they veer into a desire to be noticed, to give off sex appeal, or to make a statement about your femininity or body, then I’d reconsider. 

This brings me to the second point.

2. Your purpose. All of us have a responsibility to the jobs we’ve chosen to do and our goal is to carry out that work to the highest possible standard. In our daily jobs we are always called upon to face multiple challenges and overcome constant distractions. Ask yourself if your choice of clothing is distracting others from hearing and seeing you as the professional that you are. While our fashion is a wonderful way for us each to exhibit individuality, flair, and creativity, it may be that there are places where these expressions should be tamped down in order for the focus to remain on the objectives we are seeking to meet. If you are constantly getting comments about your attire, this suggests that your colleagues are distracted by your outfits. Should they be? Probably not but there is only so much we can control in this world. 

If you don’t know the answer to the questions above, then I’d consider finding a colleague that you trust and respect as a professional and asking them point blank. Tell them that you’ve received negative feedback on your clothing and that you want an honest opinion.

In the end, you want your colleagues and partners to take you seriously for who you are as a professional. If you think your clothing is distracting people from that, then a change up might be needed. It’s frustrating, I know, but you have to decide which battles are worth your effort. And if this is a battle you want to wage, then find a response that you can gracefully deliver when someone questions what you’re wearing. Make it unemotional and clear. Who knows, if this is truly something that needs to be tackled in the field of women’s professional attire, you might just be able to start moving that needle.  

Confidentially Yours,

Sophia

P.S. Now that I’ve shared my thoughts, I’m curious what the amazing community of educators reading this post has to say. Chime in, folks! What thoughts do you have? Share your thoughts on the Global Leadership League’s LinkedIn page. Have a question for Sophia yourself, ask here!

Please note: This response is provided for informational purposes only. The information contained herein is not legal advice and should not be used as a substitute for the legal advice or legal opinions of a licensed professional. Contact a personal attorney or licensed professional to obtain appropriate legal advice or professional counseling with respect to any particular issue or problem.

Dear Sophia, 

In your last answer you mentioned the importance of "managing up." Can you say more about what that is, why it's important, and how to do it well?

Sincerely, 

Doing Lots of Jobs

Dear Doing Lots of Jobs,

Happy to expand. Managing up is simple to define but can be challenging to realize. Simply, it is managing your relationship with your supervisor or someone else up the chain of command in your organization. It is an important skill that isn’t explicitly taught. Managing up takes effort but makes your manager’s job and your day-to-day job easier. It requires:

• caring about the quality of work through your supervisor’s eyes

• caring about them and their goals 

• communicating effectively, which requires understanding your managers preferred communication style

• supporting your manager and providing honest feedback that helps improve your relationship

• being results oriented

• staying on course with the company’s and your manager’s vision

Some have a negative connotation of managing up, perceiving it as manipulating or sucking up to your boss or even complaining, and while there are plenty of people that do that, that is not what I’m referring to here. I’m talking about supporting yourself, your manager, and your team if the need arises.  Being effective at managing up requires identifying and employing strategies which both help you achieve your professional and personal goals while also demonstrating your value to superiors by helping them to achieve their goals. I’m sure you can imagine why managing up can be a challenging task. We’ve all experienced our share of workplace relationships where you and a superior have noticeable differences in workstyles, communication styles, vision, goals, or desired paths to achieve unit outcomes. While we know diversity in work settings has the potential to enhance the outcomes, it can also create perceived conflict or strife if both parties aren’t recognizing those differences as strengths and working toward common goals over seeking the spotlight. Not to mention, there isn’t a one size fits all approach and there are landmines all around you in any workplace, including competitive teams, toxic gossips, poor morale, or any other number of dysfunctions that can sabotage even the most well thought out and intentional efforts. 

Done effectively, it can help you to find common ground with a manager who doesn’t work or think the way you do, lead to increased trust, help you gain control over your workload, result in a manager advocating for you when there’s something you want, and make your value to your organization clear to your manager and the team as a whole.

To start being effective at managing the relationship with your supervisor I suggest doing some hard work to reflect on and seek insights to understand yourself and your manager. Prioritize regular communication that is both centered on work and professional talk to get to know them as a person, then focus on giving and receiving feedback with an open mind, grace and humility. We all know the saying that “people don’t leave a company, they leave their supervisor”. This highlights how our relationship with our boss is a significant determining factor in our happiness at work. By learning to manage up and improve that relationship, you invest in your own happiness.

Confidentially Yours,

Sophia

P.S. Now that I’ve shared my thoughts, I’m curious what the amazing community of educators reading this post has to say. Chime in, folks! What thoughts do you have? Share your thoughts on the Global Leadership League’s LinkedIn page. Have a question for Sophia yourself, ask here!

Please note: This response is provided for informational purposes only. The information contained herein is not legal advice and should not be used as a substitute for the legal advice or legal opinions of a licensed professional. Contact a personal attorney or licensed professional to obtain appropriate legal advice or professional counseling with respect to any particular issue or problem.

Dear Sophia,

I am a consultant for an organization that has a lot of good natured and loyal employees, some who have been there for decades. However the organization also has a handful of staff who are not pulling their weight and not good at what they do. There is a track record of management not providing any structured feedback to staff and never criticizing staff. There is talk behind closed doors about these people but it is clear they will never be asked to leave, or asked to improve. The inside joke is that it is impossible to get fired at this company. I have not been asked for my input on this nor is it my area of expertise but in my several years working with them, I can see that it is clearly a detriment to their operations, and many staff are frustrated by this but it seems to fall on deaf ears. Is there anything I can do? 

Sincerely, 

Head in the Sand

Dear Head in the Sand,

What’s that quote that people are constantly saying? “The reward for good work is more work.” Too bad there isn’t an equivalent for all of the folks that are rewarded for doing horrible work by getting to float on by while doing nothing. Oh, if I can count the number of times I’ve heard this scenario come up in the world of work. So, what can we do?

Before we jump into potential avenues to explore, I want you to really consider how much of a role you want to take/are able to take based on this situation. As a consultant, I’m assuming you aren’t a part of the organization in terms of reporting lines, etc. You have clearly built close relationships and want to support your fellow colleagues, but where is the scope of your position and how does that tie into what can be done? Now there’s the matter of what role you play but also of the work that you do. Are, for example, these not-so-great colleagues impacting your ability to do your work? Or is it more that you’re hearing things and just know it's impacting the morale of the organization, which can impact your work but maybe not directly? These are all important things to consider. If the quality of work these colleagues are (or are not) doing is impacting your ability to do your job, then it’s your problem too and something that makes sense for you to get involved in. However, if that is not the case, then I would tread carefully. As much as you want to help, you may be limited in what you can do aside from providing moral support.

If you decide you would like to do something, or want to advise your colleagues to do something, typically I would say we should start with the colleagues themselves. I wrote a great piece for Seeking Solutions and for Managing Sucks that I think you will find helpful. Now, if working with the colleagues directly doesn’t pan out, which seems likely considering you mentioned that beyond not pulling their weight, they are also not good at their job, then going to management would be the next step. In this case, it appears that management is half of the problem. Many managers are, unfortunately, conflict avoidant which may play a role in them not being able to provide structured feedback. Are the managers fully aware of the depth of the issue and its impact on the staff and the operations? If numbers or goals aren’t being reached, for example, this will be a direct reflection on the managers so we want to make sure they are fully aware of the level of the impact. This is where recording facts of the exact situations and the times in which things have gone badly is important. If you haven’t started recording these incidents, I would recommend starting. You need to build a case to even be able to consider consequences. 

If after all of that management is still unwilling to do anything and you’ve gone up the chain, then HR would be another resource. HR should have the tools for you to be able to file a formal complaint and support the colleagues that are being impacted. 

Finally, if that doesn’t work, if your colleagues don’t want to go the HR route, or the HR route turns out to be a dead end, there are two other things you can consider. First, do your colleagues want to continue to work at an organization where they don’t feel heard and their work appreciated? That would be enough to get most people to consider other options. Maybe a mass exodus will be the wake up call management needs! If leaving is not on the table for whatever reason, then another recommendation would be to see if the work can be siloed in a way that your colleagues have the least amount of interaction with the people that aren’t pulling their weight. This way, you have your piece, they have theirs, and if someone doesn’t meet a deadline, it's not on you. Management and that person can deal with it. Now this is easier said than done as most operations rely on multiple players, but it's something that you could recommend to ease some of the load. 

This is a tough one. The key is to decide what is worth it and what’s not for everyone involved. A mass exodus may begin to sound appealing soon if needs continue to not be met. Hopefully it doesn’t come to that!

Confidentially Yours,

Sophia

P.S. Now that I’ve shared my thoughts, I’m curious what the amazing community of educators reading this post has to say. Chime in, folks! What thoughts do you have? Share your thoughts on the Global Leadership League’s LinkedIn page. Have a question for Sophia yourself, ask here!

Please note: This response is provided for informational purposes only. The information contained herein is not legal advice and should not be used as a substitute for the legal advice or legal opinions of a licensed professional. Contact a personal attorney or licensed professional to obtain appropriate legal advice or professional counseling with respect to any particular issue or problem.

Dear Sophia,

I have a colleague who I have a lovely rapport with and who I like a lot on a personal level. She believes we are good office friends and confidants. However she is constantly not getting her job done and overlooks things that need doing, as well as saying she will do things and then consistently forgetting. Her follow-through is really terrible and it is frustrating working with her and relying on her for things. She is in a senior role and others notice it as well, but my company does not ever assess people honestly. I feel I cannot speak to her about this but am unsure what to do.

Sincerely, 

Seeking Solutions

Dear Seeking Solutions,

I am glad that you get along well with your colleague. You’ve highlighted her obvious shortcomings, but the fact that you have strong rapport with her should help you give candid feedback that will help you to continue working with her and stay sane. 

I know you don’t feel as though you can speak to her about what you see with her lack of follow through, but I’d recommend that you give it a go. Feedback is a gift. Trust and psychological safety are essential to a feedback conversation. Without it, the person receiving the feedback is likely to question your intentions. She sees you as a confidant, you already have a good position to give specific feedback with a lower chance that she will take offense. Tell her you’ve noticed a pattern of her not completing her work by agreed upon deadlines or forgetting it all together and ask if everything is OK. If you approach her with concern for her well-being, rather than accusing her of being a flake, she will hopefully open up and explain. Ideally she’ll convey awareness of her issues with time management or keeping on task and remembering what she commits to. Or she may share she is struggling in her personal life in a way that affects her work. Although you may not want to, consider what kind of support or help you can offer her if needed. If she’s not very self-aware or just slacking off, chances are she’ll be embarrassed that you noticed and want to step up, thus declining your help. However, if there is something going on, lend her an ear and see if you can find a solution.

If she gets defensive and claims there is no problem with her follow-through, then you’ll have to decide if the next step will be to speak to a supervisor. It sounds like you don’t have much faith that they’d take meaningful action, so if you do raise the issue be prepared to provide concrete examples of how this is negatively affecting your work and the company, as it will be harder for them to ignore. You didn’t mention if any of your other colleagues have noticed issues. If they have, it may also be useful for them to report these to management—strength in numbers! Then, try not to rely on her for work-related things while you focus on your friendship instead. It’s not impossible to like someone as a person and not appreciate them in a professional setting. I suggest trying to focus on doing your own work and minimizing team work with her. If it becomes clear that you’re doing the work and she isn’t contributing, management may decide to rethink her employment.

If all else fails and nothing changes, do your best to lead by example and make it obvious how valuable strong collaboration and follow-through can be! 

Confidentially Yours,

Sophia

P.S. Now that I’ve shared my thoughts, I’m curious what the amazing community of educators reading this post has to say. Chime in, folks! What thoughts do you have? Share your thoughts on the Global Leadership League’s LinkedIn page. Have a question for Sophia yourself, ask here!

Please note: This response is provided for informational purposes only. The information contained herein is not legal advice and should not be used as a substitute for the legal advice or legal opinions of a licensed professional. Contact a personal attorney or licensed professional to obtain appropriate legal advice or professional counseling with respect to any particular issue or problem.